I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
