Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
