If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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