the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
