I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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