i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
