so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
