I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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