meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
