If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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