What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
