maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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