jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
