my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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