It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
