I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
