Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
