seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
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