my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
