I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
