one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
