You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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