And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
