hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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