She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
