Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
