the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
