Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
