You're a womanizer and a bitch.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
