OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
