tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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