I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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