You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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