The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I need help removing her.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
