is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
