The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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