my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
