I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
