i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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