Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
