No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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