I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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