May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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