He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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