just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
