I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
