I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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