Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
