those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
