Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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