Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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