Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
